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It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. avoid carbs. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash. Erma Bombeck. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 262. I see food, and I eat it. 1. 45. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 170. 181. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Pat Sajak, 41. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Why was six scared of seven? A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Never take life seriously. 81. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla 130. 142. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 88. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. My mistakes dont define me. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! I am full of vitality. 277. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Its okay if people dont like me. 167. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. The only power you have is the word no. 79. But then again so does . You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 35. 206. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. My cankles will hold me. 185. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. 8. Pat Sajak Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 254. I am grateful for all that I have. 8. Funny Affirmations - Etsy I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Why cant you trust an atom? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 193. 146. 202. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. You wanna know who Im in love with? 34. Albert King. 224. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 268. 20. 53. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Not a peli-cant. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? The best things in life are free. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. 127. I honor that time. 237. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Life always offers you a second chance. 272. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. God has never abandoned me. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Chris Rock Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest 159. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Steven Wright 119. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Enjoy! With a cowculator. I am positive. He who laughs last didnt get it. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Stop trying to make everyone happy. 147. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 59. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Learn sign language, its very handy. 24. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. - Bette Midler. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 13. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I am fine. - Christopher Reeve. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. Bill Murray, 258. Stuart Turner, 247. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 101. Mind blown! Your email address will not be published. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 78. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. It will just flow naturally. 225. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 153. You never run out of things that can go wrong. The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need 221. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games 1. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Bill Murray. Bill Murray. And get over it. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Ann Landers, 244. - George Burns. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Life is becoming easier and less serious. Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless Cindy from Marzahn Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I never apologize. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 48. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? They log in. Its called tomorrow. It doesnt work if it is not open. You were too lazy to read that number. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. It just plain forms. 251. We have a connection. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 39 funny positive affirmations. 1. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Funny Daily Affirmations. 24. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 111. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Wilson Mizner 270. 35. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Your actions become your habits. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. 168. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. 239. How do you count cows? Jackie Collins, 240. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 1. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 105. It has nothing new to tell you. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 154. Today, I look at my goals. 1. 68. 74. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Im not insulting you. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 66. 161. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. We need to hear a pin drop. 215. 27. Roy Lichtenstein Albert Einstein Take a look! 52. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 56. 3. - Bob Hope. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 98. 78. 40. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. I understand success cant happen overnight. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 187. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Learn sign language, its very handy. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Walter Bagehot I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. ~ Bill Gates. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. Short people with an umbrella. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. 131. Its a door, thats how they work. Your life is your message to the world. - Catherine Pulsifer. Snowballs. 196. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I am my childs greatest comfort. Oh sheet! I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. - Billie Burke. 7. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 70. "We . How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? My body deserves love. 1. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 38. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 239. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 199. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 141. My liver still works. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Hes dreaming too. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 266. Microchips. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. 89. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Is it perfect? 197. We frequently doubt ourselves. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 60. Im like a postage stamp. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Because someone is always sitting on the deck. P.D. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. 231. Not me, but somebody does. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 15. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. How do astronomers organize a party? Description for this block. 116. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Steven Alexander Wright. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Stop playing with me., 6. I can create positive change in the world. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Envelope. 275. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 91. Actually, you dont have to imagine. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. 138. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. A wishbone. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 28. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 267. 137. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Its a door, thats how they work. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. 180. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny 277. 80. 209. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Robert Bloch 253. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. 100. Things are getting better all the time. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. 4. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 62. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I always find something funny in every situation. Dave Barry 201. 270. 143. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Albert King 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 210. Looking for positive funny affirmations? I understand people talking about me. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Robert Bloch. 153. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Rome wasnt built in a day. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! 269. Steven Wright, 252. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 44. I'm a peli-can! Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. 200+ Funny Life Quotes Dripping With Sarcasm And Wit - Scary Mommy Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Groucho Marx. 87. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Because seven ate nine. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 76. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 125. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Erma Bombeck 2. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 274. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Franklin Jones, 259. 202. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Run. 10. 5. 54. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Because they make up everything. 75. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 225. Dave Barry. Art doesnt transform. 92. We'll get to that later.